ILuVRoses

Alhamdulillah ramadhan yang lalu telah banyak mengajarku erti sabar, erti sebenar hidup ini.Jika sebelum ini hidupku hanyalah sekadar 'just follow the flow'...tanpa sebarang matlamat kukuh, tanpa visi dalam hidup. Ujian dari- Nya buat diri ini di bulan mulia dan penuh berkat,,,bulan ramadan dan syawal banyak mengajarku yang aku amat memerlukan-Nya dlm segenap perkara. Kerana along the way, aku sedar kalau hanya bergantung kepada usaha sendiri tanpa pertolongan-NyA, aku tidak mungkin kuat untuk menghadapi ujian dlm hidup ini. Tanpa agama, tanpa Dia, mungkin aku dah lama depressed. Ramadhan kali ini banyak memberi ruang untuk ku lebih dekat dengan-Nya, memberi ruang untukku merenung masa lalu,masa yang telah banyak aku sia-siakan untuk hal yang tidak sewajarnya. Jika sebelum ini aku banyak memperuntukkan masa untuk pencapaian dunia sehingga mengabaikan keperluan rohaniku,,,kini kusedar santapan rohani itu amatlah penting agar hati tidak kering, agar hati tidak gelap. Sungguh aku lelah mengejar benda-benda keduniaan...tp aku perlukan dunia untuk hidup di dunia ini,,, tetapi semakin dikejar semakin jauh,,,,semakin aku lelah,,,the key is both harus seimbang,,urusan dunia haruslah berteraskan ingatan kepada-Nya,,,haruslah tidak bercanggah dari ajaran-Nya...barulah hati lebih tenang,,,barulah fikiran ini tenang,,,dengan adanya tujuan dalam hidup, hidupku terasa lebih aman dan bermakna. Setahun lepas,,,aku betul2 terpana dengan dunia...ibadahku berkurang dan sambil lewa,,tidak khusyuk. Semakin hari semakin teruk,,,aku sedar semua tu tetapi hati yang kering dan gelap mmg susah untuk dihidupkan kembali tamabahan pula you are on the top with everything,,,nothing worries you coz things went so smoothly at that time. Wow...sungguh aku lost saat tu. Bagaimana harusku jelaskan?sekarang,,, bila difikirkan balik,,,I was so lost at that time,,,I was so happy,,,things had been so great but what about my heart???It was empty inside,,,to fill the emptiness,,,you kept on searching for something fun,,,listening to songs, so many other entertainment,,, all those things can't fill the emptiness, but that is what you do when you are away from Him. The thing is you realise that you need those santapan rohani,,you tried to go back, but it was getting difficult because your heart has been so lost and it's getting much harder to focus and to be sincere. Betullah ada manusia yang tidak kuat untuk hadapi ujian kesenangan,,,I am one of those people. bila senang je,,,mula lah iman jadi lemah,,,hidup jauh dari-Nya. Then,, after almost a year I've been living so badly,, I've been given a test. The first test I thought I can handle it...when actually I could not. The second test really gave me a big slap on the face. It's like telling me,,,'You!!!!! wake up wake up wake up'.  The second trial really hit me so hard. I cried so much...it got harder. Then only I realised I was not the only one who got upset. What have I done?? I have upset

my parents too.. they are so sad for me too...so worried about me. Along the way,,I was not only walking away from my Creator,, I forgot my responsibility towards my parents too...I forgot that my ambition is not only mine, it's theirs too. The damage has been done,,, but I got a pearl of wisdom from all of these trials. In future, when I lost my way again, I wish I will never forget this journey. This journey was not in my plan,,, was never my plan. He planned it for me,,, and that makes it more special and memorable. It was not an easy one but it certainly brings me closer to Him. I am so lucky that I have Him to depend on during my weakest moment.