ketenangan
tidak hadir sendiri
ia perlu di cari

mencari tenang....

wahai hati 
tenanglah,damailah

sungguh ak lelah
sungguh ak penat
sungguh hati ini terlalu pedih

oh cute little angel.
heaven loves you more
you've been fighting so  long to live
you are a brave soul
now you are free
free from the pain
free from the struggles of this world
free from things that hurt you
now you can go to your creator
to a place called paradise
to a place where every living soul desire...
final destination
a happy end

your place there are guarenteed
mine are uncertain

you are very close to our hearts
your sweet smile will forever be in
our memories
thank you for giving me a chance
to hold and to know you
even just for a shortwhile
I just want you to know that
you are special
and I'm sorry that we did not
fight for you hard enough
sorry that we did not try hard
enough

now you can rest
rest in peace.

Counting Days

In two days I will be flying back to Island of Ireland. Spending a month of my summer holidays in my homeland Malaysia was like a dream. Time flies really fast and it feels like I was just started my holidays. No matter how much I hate going back there…Nope, don’t misunderstand me..it is not that I hate being in Ireland, it is what I would feel inside when I have to separate from my loved ones that is what makes me so hate it. I hate when I have to live far away from those that I love. I will be missing my mum and dad, my sisters and brothers and definitely my lovely nieces and nephew. What is sad about this journey back is that I am alone this time without my fellow friends. I have to be there earlier than my fellow friends because I have failed one of the summer paper and have to resit for that in autumn. This is my only chance. I am going back earlier because I would have to prepare for that. I hope I would win this battle. I don’t want to continue to be sad over this matter anymore because now is not the time to get myself down and depressed, this is the time I am supposed to be making plans and actions to survive this year and move on to the next level.

Enough with the sad story..

What have I done so far during the one month holidays that have almost finished?

Even though studying is included in my to-do lists for my summer hols, it does not go as planned. But, I was not sad and regret over things that have passed  because what was done, was done. Period. I have spent most of my time with my family especially with my lovely nieces and nephew because they are the ones that I would miss the most if I were to fly back there. So that I don’t  have regrets  when I’m leaving them for my study, I decided to dedicate most of my time for them.They are the source of  my happiness. Thanks to them I smiled countless times and laughed so hard because of things that they do or say haha. There will be certainly regrets no matter how much I would like to avoid it. There was time I could not control my temper because of their unbelievable tantrums and there was time I chose to ignore them because I was so indulged with my own world. SO Sorry my dear! I want you to know that I REALLY REALLY REALLY <3 all of you.  

Spending my summer hols with someone so dear to me was a real blessings. 

THANK YOU ALLAH for this HAPPINESS even though it feels really short.

looking out through the window, the skies are blue, the leaves are green and its so peaceful and to tell you the truth, i am a bit sleepy right now..i should be studying but i felt like popping up here and write something. Thinking...thinking...and keep thinking..what should i write today? no idea..but still i should write something.

Expressing myself is difficult. I have learnt that to survive in this I have to push myself forward, to be able to speak up my mind but it never was an easy thing to do. Rather than pushing myself to do what I am supposed to do, I find myself making more and more excuses to not doing things that are out of my comfort zone. That makes me more inferior and incapable. It is hard to gain the confidence... I am way lacking of it. I am so worried of myself now. So worried. Please be strong and to never quit and give up.

it might not be a good thing...it was never a good thing if they called you earlier....so is this it?is this the end?do i have to upset my parents again?because i dont care bout me anymore....

So peaceful, So blissed...
Won't change this for anything
At least for now...
Would rather enjoy this moment gifted by You,
Even though it's not entirely over,
But my mind deserve a break.
You knows exactly what I need
Even when I myself was not entirely sure what I really wanted in life
All praise be to You...
The All Knower...
I'm hopeless without You.